March 2010
1 post
“I use this product called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” because sometimes...”
– Demetri Martin
January 2010
4 posts
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.
“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail...”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe...”
– Murphy’s Law
July 2009
15 posts
“I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...”
– Groucho Marx
“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but...”
– Rabindranath Tagore
“Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a...”
– Kin Hubbard
“If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.”
– Jim Davis
“You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough...”
– Steve Martin
“True friends stab you in the front.”
– Oscar Wilde
“I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.”
– Unknown
2 tags
“Philosophy is just a hobby. You can’t open a philosophy factory.”
– Dewey Selmon
2 tags
“The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will...”
– Bern Williams
“Each moment is a place you’ve never been.”
– Mark Strand
2 tags
“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. ...”
– A.A. Milne
2 tags
“The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
– Douglas Adams
May 2009
34 posts
1 tag
“The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a...”
– Salvador Dali
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to...”
– E.E. Cummings
True story: His e’s are always lowercase because it was a printing error that stuck — he personally hated it, though!
1 tag
“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.”
– Robert Louis Stevenson
1 tag
“Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to...”
– Napoleon Bonaparte
“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now...”
– Carl Bard
1 tag
“I’m afraid that if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of its...”
– Andy Warhol
(a very appropriate finals time quote, I think…)
1 tag
“七転び八起き
Fall seven times, stand up eight.”
– Japanese proverb
1 tag
“The regular course was Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with; and then...”
– Lewis Carroll
“A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the...”
– John Ciardi
“I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize...”
– Agnes DeMille, Dance to the Piper, 1952
1 tag
“I got something on my mind grapes I need to talk to you about.”
– Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock
Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
1 tag
“If man has no tea in him, he is incapable of understanding truth and beauty.”
– Japanese proverb
“The word “good” has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his...”
– G.K. Chesterton
1 tag
“If you can speak three languages, you’re trilingual. If you can speak two...”
– Unknown
Smithers: I told you Simpson was a poor choice, sir.
Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, "I told you so" has a brother. His name is, "Shut the hell up"!
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they...”
– Anäis Nin
2 tags
“I will give you all I can ever give, though it’s less than you will need.”
– Barenaked Ladies
“How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds...”
– Victor Hugo (bisoux, Monsieur Hugo!)
1 tag
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
– Leo Tolstoy
1 tag
“One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man’s laugh before you know...”
– Fyodor Dostoevsky
1 tag
“You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.”
– C.S. Lewis
1 tag
“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey...”
– Marcel Proust
1 tag
“Man muss noch Chaos in sich haben, um einen tanzenden Stern gebären zu können....”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
1 tag
“Every day we should hear at least one little song, read one good poem, see one...”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe